Drea. 15. Southampton, NY

Westhampton Beach High School. AKA the place where I’m quiet, friendless and awkward.School fucking sucks.  It’s been a dragging my feet kind of experience so far.  People bother me. I need Joe. 

~My family is a huge thing for me; they’re always there for me even when I don’t want them to be. Friends come and go, at the moment I have no friends. Maybe a couple, and those are the kind that consider you a friend but honestly it’s not the kind that are going to be there for me in 10 years.  My family and my boyfriend will be. That’s the people that matter to me right now. 

~My boyfriend is my favorite person in the whole world and I love him more than anything. Some call us obsessive over each other, and it’s true. The thing is, in June he moved, but we’re trying our hardest to stay together, not just now but forever. I swear, I honestly love him and I want to make a family with him in time. Ever since he left to Florida I been a wreck. At first I cried myself to sleep almost every night, and I daydreamed of ways to kill myself. Now, I don’t have time to cry and everything. School is too much for me, and I never have time to cry. I don’t let myself cry, because I cant break right now. I cant. I been burying the feeling of hurt, need, want, I want him here right now. I need him here right now. I cant stand having to hide all of this. I cant stand seeing him like this.  He been crying so much recently and it hurts so much to see him in a screen sobbing and not being able to kiss his tears away and hold him telling him everything will be alright. I pretend I don’t see it most of the time, I get through it by pretending I’m in a movie sometimes, or I lie to myself forcing feeling that are not mine. I realize as I write this that I force many feelings onto myself that are not mine. He’s my life. I cant go on without him. I don’t want to ever. Of course all of this is hard but sometimes we need to get through it to make our futures better.

 ~Ever since he left, I haven’t been able to go back old self. I’m always so paranoid now. I’m so awkward too. I don’t know how to act normal. But I’m not even the good kind of socially awkward kid. I don’t know. I don’t know much anymore. 

And no I haven’t always been like this, I use to be the girl who always wanted to hang out, socialize, the girl who was always happy. Now, I feel like I’m fighting back tears, and hate people. I just want my boyfriend back home, to be in his arms once more. For him to hold me tight and kiss me on the forehead telling me that everything will be all right. Come back baby.<3 :’(